


When I Loved You

by skyetheripper24



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, F/M, Prequel to the series., Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-06 18:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5426453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyetheripper24/pseuds/skyetheripper24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasha Eileen Everett. The Dark Lord's bride. A different kind of love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Humble Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the characters, except for Sasha. Yada Yada.

My name is Sasha Eileen Everett. This is the story about how I died. You may think, "Oh hey, this will be a short story." Well, let me assure that it's not short!!

 

I suppose I should get a few minor details out of the way. I grew up in the U.S. with my mum and dad, until my mum passed away. My father relocated us to his home in England a few months before I turned eleven, but to me, the little house in the country back in the States was my home. My father is a Squib (i.e. a person of magical descent that cannot do magic), but somehow, although he coupled with a Muggle, I was able to produce magic (much to his astonishment and pure joy). Oh, and I can hear the thoughts of others and do all sorts of spells without a wand. I suppose I'm what a Muggle would call "psychic." Maybe. Maybe not. Needless to say, Dad didn't want even the wizarding world to know what I was capable of.

 

The reason for our move was because although there is a fine school for magic in the States, Dad wanted me to be under the schooling of a Mr. Albus Dumbledore. He said there was no finer teacher or school, for that matter, in this or any other world. The matter was settled. However, more surprises were in store as we had no sooner set up house then a knock came to the door. It was the same Albus Dumbledore.

 

"Professor!! What an unexpected surprise, please come in!!" Dad was simply beside himself with excitement. I stood in the far door way to the livingroom. "Well, don't just stand there, girl!! Make the professor a cup of tea!!"

 

I crossed my arms. "We don't have any tea. All we have is gin and water."

 

My father gaped at me. "I wouldn't mind a drop of gin." I heard Dumbledore say from behind my father. Now it was my turn to gape. I quickly wandered over to the cupboard and proceeded to pour a mug. My father and Dumbledore proceeded to talk, paying me no mind.

 

"I looked over your request, William. Why are you not sending her to the school in the States?" I passed Dumbledore the mug. He nodded his thanks.

 

My father looked up at me. I crossed my arms again and refused to move. He sighed. "As you well know, my wife passed away a year ago. I thought I would move back here and start a new life for us." He looked down at his hands. "You also know that I'm a... Squib... But somehow I was able to produce a child that has magic flowing through their veins." He continued to look down at his hands. "I also told you about Sasha's... condition. I wouldn't want her under any other headmaster, but yourself." I huffed.

 

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled over his half-moon glasses. "And what do you say, Ms. Everett? Do you want to come to Hogwarts?" 

 

"With all due respect, Mr. Dumbledore, I don't personally care WHERE I go to school, but I don't understand why my father is so damned determined to have me go specifically to a magic school. My condition hasn't caused any problems before." It had in fact and was part of the reason why Dad moved us across the ocean.

 

"I, personally, would like to see the extent of your "talent," if you wouldn't mind showing me." Dumbledore set his mug down.

 

I shrugged. "Sure." I looked him directly in the eyes and.... the usual falling feeling was there. I could see everything. His past, his present, his current thoughts. I pulled myself back and looked at him. He didn't seem the least bit shaken. "Is that good enough?"

 

He looked at me thoughtfully. "You could read my thoughts as soon as I came inside, couldn't you?" I nodded. "When you're in a crowd, can you hear everyone's thoughts?"

 

I looked down at my dirty Converse. "Yes, and it hurts my head. I have to concentrate really hard so I can't hear them. I don't like it. Some things are nice, but most things aren't." I looked up him. He was smiling kindly. "Will your school teach me how to make it go away?"

 

"In time, my dear, perhaps." He handed me a letter. "This has all of the information on what you'll need for school. If you should decide to come, of course." Dumbledore smiled at me again before rising. "It's been a pleasure, William, Ms. Everett." Dad walked him to the door and then he was gone.

 

"What a strange man." I mumbled.

"Strange, yes, but you couldn't ask for a better headmaster." Dad looked at me. "What are you going to do? Will you give Hogwarts a shot?"

I looked at him. I saw the motives behind his eyes. I sighed. "Let me think about it in the morning." I don't want to hear any more thoughts tonight. Dumbledore may have smiled at me, but he was absolutely terrified of what I might find in his head. I don't know why. I don't think it was his fault that his sister died.


	2. Meeting Him.

About two weeks after Dumbledore showed up at my door, we moved back to what Dad called, "The Home Place." It was nothing but a little hole in the wall; a tiny little cottage set in the countryside. I missed home. I missed the farm. 

Dad and I didn't have much money in the wizarding world, him being a Squib (as he told me soon after Dumbledore's visit) and all, but we would get by. Somehow we managed to gather up enough money for some brand new textbooks. I remember looking at them without any real interest. That world did really hold any interest for me yet. 

"And now for some new robes." Dad lead me into the nearby shop called Madam's Malkins something or other. My eyes were looking at the new brooms across the street. Those, at least, seemed to interest me.

"Climb up on the stool, dear, and let's get your measurements." A squat little witch told me briskly. I managed to climb on top of the stool without falling and stood still. Her hand brushed my hand. 

"Don't touch me!!" She jumped back, startled, into a skinny boy on the opposing stool, knocking him off balance. "I-I'm sorry. Just please. Don't touch me. Please." The little witch tutted at me and her measuring tape swirled around my waist and shoulders on its own accord. It wasn't much better, but it was better then her hands. 

I looked at the boy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to have her knock you over." 

He grunted. "Wasn't your fault." He looked at me. "Are you a first year, too?"

"Yes. My dad and I just moved here from the U.S., so I don't really know a whole lot about this school." That was true. Dad had never went to Hogwarts. The only child of a pure-blood family was a Squib and he was shunned. 

"My mum says it's a good place." The boy shrugged. "My name's Severus. Severus Snape."

"I'm Sasha Everett. Pleased to meet you." I didn't offer my hand and he didn't offer his. That was fine with me.

"I guess I know two people now, what with you and Lily..." Severus stopped. His gaze was turned towards the window as though drawn by call only he could hear. I followed his gaze. He was watching a girl through the window. She was a small thing, with long red hair. 

I looked back at him. I heard everything he was thinking. I clenched my hands into fists. 

"All done, dear." The little streamstress handed me a package containing a few robes. "Enjoy your first year, love."

I turned towards Severus again. "I guess I'll see you, then." He never turned his gaze from the window. 

I used his silence as a reason to flee back to my father and the safety of my own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to do this chapter. Please bear with me!! >.


	3. Train Ride

I think it was the train ride that started it. Not meeting him in the robe shop. I sincerely believe it was that train ride. No, looking back now, I KNOW it was that train ride.

Dad had been all tearful seeing me off. I knew he was so proud. He had never expected to father a witch especially with my mother being a Muggle and all. He gave a slight hug and a light kiss on the forehead, ignoring my obvious discomfort. 

"Have a good time, sweetheart. Your mother would have been so proud. She always knew you were special." I blinked at him. He pretended to fuss with his shirt sleeves. "Always be yourself, Sasha. Don't be afraid of the voices anymore." 

I rubbed at my eyes. "I have to go, Dad." Dad nodded and gave me one last hug. As I boarded the train, I turned and gave him one last look. He smiled and waved. I waved back. 

I shuffled around, looking for an empty cabin. I passed by one before stopping short. Severus and what's-her-name Lily were in there and their thoughts were brimming with irritation. There were a few others in there as well, mostly boys. They're thoughts were aimed at one person in particular. Severus.

I leaned against the side of the car and held my ears shut. While this wouldn't actually help me stop hearing them, it helped me concentrate. I breathed deeply and then moved towards the door of the cabin. I flung it open. Five heads turned towards me in surprise. None were more surprised then Severus.

"Hello again, Severus. Are there any seats available?" I pulled one boy out of his seat and tossed him on the ground, gritting my teeth as I did so. "Oh look, one just opened up." I settled myself down and looked around. "So, what's going on here?"

The boy on my other side, a tall boy with glasses, looked at me angrily. I stared back at him without blinking. I lightly pushed into his mind. He recoiled instantly. I smiled innocently. He motioned to the other two boys. "Let's go. Obviously, we aren't wanted here."

"Lucky guess." I continued to smile.

As soon as the door closed, I felt Severus breathe. He looked at Lily. "You didn't have to do that." I realized he was talking to me.

I waved him off. "No problem. I just don't like guys like them." I looked at Lily, as well. "My name is Sasha. Severus and I met when we were getting robes a few weeks ago."

"Hello. I'm Lily Evans. Sev and I have known each other for about a year now." She offered her hand. I didn't take it. She put it down, not bothered by my clear rudeness. "I guess we're all first years. I hope we're all in the same house." 

Not likely. I thought. There was something about Lily Evans that just got underneath my skin. I couldn't identify it. I was only eleven, after all.

"Lily and Severus, or can I call you Sev as well?" Severus shrugged. Before I even thought about it, the words just came out. "No, I think I'm going to call Sevy, just to be different."  
I don't want to be the same as Lily. I WON'T be the same as Lily.

"Sevy is fine." Severus looked me for the first time. "Are your eyes really that blue or are they charmed to look that way?"

I felt myself blush and tried to cover it. "They're naturally this blue. My mother's eyes were the same color."

"Her eyes were that color? Did she pass away?" Lily caught herself. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, it's fine. She passed away a long time ago. It doesn't bother me that much anymore." Much. 

Another student passed by our cabin calling out, "We're almost there! Time to change into your robes!"

I pulled my robes over my jeans and t-shirt. "Well, I'm changed." Lily laughed. "You're funny, Sasha. Oh, I do hope we're all in the same house!! Don't you, Sev?"

Severus nodded, but I knew he didn't care one way or another. He only cared about whether Lily would be in his house or not. That bothered me and I still couldn't figure out why. 

They won't be in the same house. You'll be with him, but she won't be. I bit the inside my cheek. I was "knowing" again. I was seeing what would soon be and it disgusted me.

"Yes. I hope we'll all be in the same house." I hardly recognized my own voice. I was trying to stop the roar of knowledge in my head. 

They would know what was to be all in due time. We had arrived at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit dull. More action to come.


	4. Realizations And Other Musings.

Months had passed since the Sorting. It was now nearly Christmas. Sevy and I had ended up in the same house for which I was very pleased. He didn't have a lot of friends and I didn't have any, so we usually ended up in the same groups and doing various activities together. He tolerated me at first, but I'm beginning to believe that he is, in fact, warming up to me. He no longer calls me Everett and finally calls me Sasha or if in a particularly good mood, Sashy.

That particular evening we were both sitting in the Slytherin common room when Lucius Malfoy (or as I called him behind his back, The Young Master) sauntered through the room, a small package under his arm. I nudged Sevy. "That must be for Narcissa. Probably because she found out he's been cheating on her again. I heard she hexed that girl pretty damn good, too. I heard it was so bad that she had to be sent to Madam Pomfrey."

Sevy nodded. "I heard that, too. Can't blame him for cheating, though. Narcissa's a right cold bitch."

We snickered. Lucius looked suspiciously over his shoulder at us. We ducked out heads into our Potions homework. We peeked over the back of the couch again in time to see him hand the package to Narcissa. He started to say something fairly frantically.

"What do you suppose he's saying?" Sevy asked. 

"He's apologizing and saying that he'll buy her that enchanted bracelet that she's been wanting." I answered without thinking. 

Sevy looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "How are you able to hear that?"

I didn't look at him. "I have ears like a bat. I can even pick up sonar." Oh please, oh please don't ask anything more about it. I don't want to have to go into your mind to make you leave me alone.

Sevy nodded, accepting my answer. We returned to our homework. After a few minutes he asked casually, "Any plans for Christmas holidays?"

"I doubt it. We don't have the money to bring me home, so I guess I'll be staying here. What about you?"

He shrugged a bit. "Staying here. Lily and everyone's going home and I just didn't want to be alone." 

I bet you didn't. You just didn't want to be alone without Lily. I bit my tongue. "Well, even if I was going home, you could come with me. Dad would be glad to have you around."

Sevy brightened up a bit. "You mean it?"

This time it was my turn to shrug. "Sure. We're friends, aren't we?"

"Best friends." Sevy didn't look at me. "I mean it. You and Lily are probably my best friends. Weird isn't it? Having two girls as best friends."

"I'll try not to let on." I snickered. I looked back down at my Potions homework. "I don't know what to make of all this."

"C'mon, Sashy, it's easy. Here, let me show you." Sevy picked up my textbook and proceeded to educate me.

I looked at him. "You're really good at Potions, you know that?"

"So? You're really good at Defense Against The Dark Arts. So is Lily..." Sevy trailed off. I had lost him to thoughts of Lily. AGAIN.

I grabbed my books and headed for the girls dorm, making an excuse about being tired. 

I knew he loved her, even though I think he was too young to realize it himself. It bugged me. It ate at me almost as much as all the voices did. I was very fond of Sevy. Quite fond of him, in fact. I was young, but I knew I felt same way about him as he felt about Lily. 

But I wasn't about to share him with Lily Evans.


	5. Back Again

My first year came to an end. Nothing especially interesting had happened. Well. Nothing that interested me anyway. Classes were classes. Dorm life was dorm life. Sevy was the only bright spot in my otherwise boring life. He respected my boundaries for not wanting to be touched and he was always working on some potion or other. I think, looking back now, that he was trying to find the perfect potion to make Lily feel the same way about him. Everything was for Lily, always for Lily. Always. I tolerated everything and looked the other way. 

It was towards the end of our first year that we started hearing rumors about some wizard calling himself Voldemort. Apparently he was crusading for blood purity laws and causing general chaos. I wasn't interested in him or his crusade. Not yet, anyway. Sevy seemed interested, though, so I paid a bit of attention. 

The train ride back to King's Cross was (mostly) uneventful. Sevy and I had our own compartment until Lucius Malfoy and a few of his pals showed up. They took no notice of us and carried on with their annoyingly loud behavior. I briefly considered shutting them up, but decided to content myself by watching the scenery flash by. Their conversation turned to a very anti-Muggle sentiment. Sevy listened, interested, and occasionally offered a thought or two. That is, until Lily Evans appeared at our compartment door.

"Sev, I was wondering if you wanted to..." She took in the now leering fifth year's faces. "I guess... I can leave if I'm bothering you..."

Lucius stood. He towered over the small redhead. Leaning against the door frame, he smirked down at her. "Now why would Snape want to do anything you? Unless, of course, you have some base Muggle tricks you'd like to show him?"

I shifted still looking out of the window. I could hear everything. Their thoughts were disgusting and making me sick. I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms. 

Lily was at a loss for words. She crossed her arms across her chest. "I think I'll just go now." She turned to leave, but Lucius grabbed her arm. 

"Why don't you show us what you want to show Snape here?" 

I knew Sevy wasn't going to help her. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was looking down at his feet. He looked... ASHAMED. Bile rose into the back of my throat. Lucius pulled her into the compartment, completely oblivious to her weak attempts to fight him. 

"Lucius... I think that's en-" Sevy started, but he never finished. I snaked one hand out the pocket of my robe and touched Lucius' friend, who sat closest to me face. The boy screamed and a fell to the floor, writhing in agony. Lucius lost his grip on Lily and she ran for the safety of her fellow Gryffindor's. 

Our compartment was soon overcrowded by people investigating what was going on. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. In the chaos, no one seemed to notice what I had done. I was ok with that. 

I turned to say something witty to Sevy. He was staring at me with wide eyes. 

So, no one noticed. No one except the one person that I didn't want to notice. 

And he was clearly putting two and two together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and love!! :)


	6. First Summer

After the train incident, I laid low for a while. By laying low, I mean I ignored Sevy for a while. Oh, he came by nearly every day to ask for me, but my Dad sent him packing each time. Dad himself didn't ask what happened, but must have known a bit. He dropped The Daily Prophet on my plate at breakfast one morning. It was open to an article about the boy I had hurt. Apparently, he was a vegetable. I felt no remorse. I never had. 

But I missed Sevy. I missed him terribly, but I couldn't risk him finding out everything. I couldn't risk him getting hurt. Dad must've known that, as well, because one day he sent me out to get some groceries. And I conveniently ran into Sevy.

We stared at each other for a little bit before Sevy began to speak. "I wouldn't have pegged you for a domestic sort of girl."

I snorted. "What's making you think I am?" 

Sevy pointed to the shopping bags. "You've just been out to the shops." He nodded to himself knowingly. "I suppose I'll be a gentleman and help you carry them back." He grabbed two of the bags out of my hands. 

We walked in silence for a bit. "It did scare me, you know." Sevy said at last.

"What did?" I dreaded his answer. 

"You know what." He shifted one of the bags to his shoulder. "How do you do that? It wasn't a spell, was it?"

I shrugged non-committed. We had reached the home place and I set the bags down on the bench outside the front door. "If I tell you everything, will you still be my friend?" 

"I will always be your friend. Best friends. That's what we are." Sevy smiled at me encouragingly. 

So I told him. I told him everything. I told him about the thoughts I could hear, the knowledge I knew, the visions I sometimes saw. I told him about how I only had to touch a person to know everything in their heart. How a mere touch could to harm them to the point of death. Sevy listened quietly. He accepted everything and that was good. 

"You'll be a great witch one day, Sashy. With powers like that, you could be the greatest witch off all time, even greater then Dumbledore!" 

I shook my head quickly. "I don't want to be greater then Dumbledore. I just want all this stuff to go away. I would kill to be normal like you."

Sevy laughed. "This is NOT normal. Well, if you don't want to be great, then what do you want to be?"

I thought to myself. "Well, I guess I want to be Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher some day. Fight vampires and all that." I chuckled to myself. "Even shiny vampires if they randomly appear in the daylight. What to do you want to do, Sevy?"

"I want to be Potions professor." Sevy said without a second thought. "Just think of it, us both being professors. Together forever."

Together forever. If only that were true, Sevy, if only that were true. 

Years may have come and gone, but Sevy always kept my secret, well up until someone else found out and things changed. 

But he never ever touched me and he always made his mind utterly blank when we were together. I knew why and it hurt me just the same. Lily really was never far from his heart.


	7. Some Time Later (Otherwise A Brief Interlude)

Second year went by without a hitch, for me anyway. James Potter and his group kept on bullying Sevy when I wasn't around to stare them down. Sirius seemed to remember the pain in his head from before and always persuaded James to leave before I could do it again. Sevy didn't seem to mind. I think it gave him a small twinge of satisfaction knowing that all I had to do was give them a look and it was enough to send them running. 

Voldemort (or as I'll call him for a while, LORD Voldemort) was gaining more followers. I had anticipated this. Through a few series of black-out visions, I had seen quite a few things involving him. None of them are worth talking about since they do not come into this tale. Nonetheless, he was clearly doing great things, but only seemed to be attracting the worst kinds of followers; dark wizards and witches, a hag or two, werewolves, even a few that seemed to be the offspring of trolls. I knew Lucius' father, old Abraxas, was firmly in Voldemort's corner, although less outspoken as some of the others. 

Sevy himself was very interested in all these going's on. He had made a few friends in our house and it was clear where THEIR allegiance lay. As for myself, I was neither here nor there. I figured Sevy would loose interest eventually or that Voldemort himself would be cut down. 

Meanwhile, I had observed a few things in Hogwarts. Foremost among them was the growing gap between Lily Evans and Sevy. However bad it may sound, I was pleased deep down. Sevy was never in the company of other girls, so there was only me. I didn't have to worry about anyone else developing a crush on him. 

Secondly, I discovered Lupin (one of Potter's friends) was a werewolf. It was a fluke that I had found out. His thoughts were muddled about being worried about the upcoming full moon and they seemed to have a slightly canine "taste" to them. I put two and two together. 

I watched Potter's group more then I care to admit, but it was mostly out of curiosity. They were such a rag-tag group of troublemakers. The only one I genuinely liked was the smallest of the group, Peter was his name. A shy chubby boy, but very good with Transfiguration. We shared a few conversations now and then and although Potter teased him endlessly about them, he would still seek me out to talk time and again. 

Lucius Malfoy was something else entirely. As soon as I had sat down at Slytherin table after being Sorted, I knew I didn't like him. He fancied himself the "Casanova" of Slytherin and woe to the female student that would turn him down. He had a steady girlfriend, Narcissa Black, but that didn't stop him. If Narcissa found out about whatever he had taken a liking to, she would hex them nearly to death. I was of no interest to him. I was practically a Mudblood, even though was a Squib which still technically made me a half-blood. I was alright with that, but if he had made a pass at me he would've regretted it severely. I never forgot his thoughts about Lily on the train. 

All in all, my second year was fairly uneventful. End of term came and went as did summer break. Third year was looming and I had nothing but high hopes.


	8. Third Year Part One. (Goodbye's.)

My third year arrived swiftly. As a third year, I was now allowed to go into Hogsmeade and pick two random classes. I chose Divination (more for laughs then anything else) and Study of Ancient Runes. Sevy opted for Runes with me, as well as Care of Magical Creatures. He declared that the latter of the two would be beneficial if he were to become Potions master. I snickered and told him he just wanted a reason to pet the unicorns. 

Our other classes were much the same. Our Hogsmeade visits, dull. Sevy was still pining for Lily Evans and I was usually left with my own thoughts these days. It had become his custom to fall asleep in the common room while doing his homework and I normally lurked nearby, my nose buried deep in my Defense Against The Dark Arts textbook or in my Potions textbook. I usually put a blanket on him and then fell asleep myself in an opposing chair. 

His happy dreams were full of Lily. His nightmares were of his Muggle father. I regularly saw beatings happen in those dreams and would shake him awake. I only ever saw myself in one of his dreams and looking back now, it seemed very prophetic. He was chasing me through a forest, but he could never catch me. I was wearing a red Muggle dress. At last, he caught me, but as he looked down at his hands, they were covered in blood. 

"Don't leave me." Sevy mumbled in his sleep. I patted him and assured him that I never would. 

At this point in my life, I had already come to grasp what my feelings for him meant. I knew I loved him as much as he loved Lily Evans. It hurt me deep to the roots of my soul to know that he would never feel the same way towards me. I wanted to tell him, but at the same time I didn't want to tell him. I knew rejection was just around the corner and that we would no longer have the easy friendship that we had now. So, I simply covered my heart and played the part of the bored best friend. 

During the full third year, I watched Lily. I understood how Sevy could want someone like her over me. Her eyes were a lovely shade of green whereas mine were too big and an unnatural shade of sapphire blue. She was beginning to curve in all the right places whereas I was stick skinny. My hair was a dead shade of black, her's was like fire. It was her kindness though that was the real deal breaker. She was kind to everyone, not just her own housemates, but EVERYONE. Me? Well, I was a strange one. I wouldn't allow people near me for fear that they would discover my secret and I showed more of a bored indifference. 

Christmas holiday's were a few days a way and Sevy and I both were going back to my home. Dad liked Sevy. They talked for ages about Potions and all that nonsense. I think Sevy was just secretly glad that he didn't have to spend another Christmas at either Hogwarts or at his house. 

"Dad, you don't look so good? Have you been sick?" I asked after Dad practically smothered me in a big hug. He was now doing the same thing to Sevy who took it all with good humor. 

"A bit of a cold. Nothing for you to worry about." Dad pushed us into the kitchen to show us a wonderful meal laid out on the table. 

I didn't worry. Not until the day before we were supposed to be back at Hogwarts. Dad had a runny nose all morning and been coughing a great deal. He brushed it off as nothing major, but I still felt worried. 

"I could make you a potion before I leave. It wouldn't take more then a few minutes." Sevy offered.

"No, no. I'll be fine. You two just worry about getting back to that school of yours." Dad waved his hand at us, shooing us out the door. 

I stopped at the door. "Are you sure you'll be ok, Dad?" 

"I'll be fine, love. Don't worry about your old Dad." He suddenly squinted into the piercing winter sunlight. "When did you grow up, Sasha? You're not a little girl anymore. You're just as beautiful as your mother."

A chill shot through my heart. I hugged Dad tightly. "Please go to the doctor tomorrow. I don't want you to get any sicker."

"I will, I will." He promised. He gave a light kiss on my forehead. "Go on, love. I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy. I'll see you after end the year."

I never did.


	9. Third Year Part Two. (Tears)

Valentine's Day was just around the corner. All the girls in our dorm were a giggling lot. Love potions always seemed to be a high point at this time of year and more often then not I would see another poor sap carted off to Madame Pomfrey. This greatly amused Sevy since most of the potions had terrible side effects. 

"I could one that would actually last for years if not forever." He announced loudly at breakfast about two days before the "big day." Needless to say, he was soon swamped with girls and a few guys asking for his help in creating the "perfect potion." I know for a fact that he made at least four potions. Whether they worked or not, he never did say and I was unable to check his mind later to find out. He had become very good at making his mind utterly blank whenever I was around.

Finally the big day arrived along with a special trip to Hogsmeade. I lagged behind the others, lost in my own thoughts. I hadn't heard much from Dad lately and I was a bit worried. He normally wrote me once a week, every week. No letter had arrived yet and I was beginning to worry. I wandered past Honeydukes and happened to look in the display window. I spied a small heart-shaped box of chocolates. 

I don't know what possessed me, but I knew that I was going to buy them and give them to Sevy. Laced with a potent love potion. I may not have been as good at potions as Sevy, but I was fairly decent and I knew I could it. That I would it. 

I bought the chocolates and set to work on the potion back in the dorm. I knew a fairly non time consuming one. Since no one was back from Hogsmeade yet, I had the dorm to myself. All the better in my opinion since I didn't want anyone getting in my way.

Several hours late the potion was done and slipped inside the chocolates. I left them in an obvious position on Sevy's bed. I had no idea when he would be back, so I decided to go kill some time in the library. Perhaps I could sneak out one of the books from the Restricted section.

I never made it to the library, however. I never even made it outside of the common room door. I ended up crashing into Professor Slughorn. I promptly fell on my ass.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't see you there. I was in a hurry to get to the library."

Slughorn was radiating worry. "Ah, there you are, Ms. Everett. I've been looking everywhere for you. Everyone thought you were in Hogsmeade with the others." I knew he meant Sevy, but ignored it. "You better hurry and come along with me. The Headmaster needs to speak to you at once."

I trotted along behind him, trying to avoid treading on his heels. I wondered briefly what Dumbledore wanted with me. I considered that he had, perhaps, figured out a way to rid me of my curse. 

It wasn't that. Dumbledore promptly seated me. He waited a while before speaking. "It's never easy to tell a person something like this, much less a person of your age." 

I instantly became alarmed. I tried to read his thoughts, but his mind was as blank as Sevy's. "Sir? I don't understand."

Perhaps it was just a momentary lapse, I'll never know, but Dumbledore took my hand in his and opened his mouth as though to speak. The words never made it out and I instantly searched his heart and mind. The room began to swim. "No... he can't... Why...?? I don't understand!!"

Dad, the only person I believed truly cared about me in this wide world, had died. He had died as I had been working on that damn potion. Apparently, he had never gone to the doctor believing his cold medicine would simply take care of it and had ended up sicker. He had never said a word. Just wrote his letters as usual. But what hurt... What I would never forget... was that I hadn't been there. I should've been there. I should've been taking care of him. I...

"I should've been there!! I should've been right next to him!! Why?! I don't understand." The room was still swimming. I covered my eyes. I didn't want to see anything. I didn't want to hear anything. Dumbledore was speaking to Professor Slughorn. "SHUT UP!!" The POWER surged through me. The pictures flew off the wall, the strange instruments (which otherwise would've fascinated me) were reduced to twisted pieces of metal. I continued to cover my ears.

I stood up. Slughorn was cowering in the corner, but Dumbledore stood as straight and tall as ever, but I could feel his fear. I could TASTE it. "I want to go home. I want to go see my Daddy. There are things for me to do that do not involve me being here!!"

"Of course. We'll send you there via Floo." Dumbledore said easing his way towards his desk which had managed to survive my rage. 

"Just do it quickly. I'm going to pack my things." I looked back at both the Headmaster and the Professor. "And by 'things,' I mean everything. I'm not planning on coming back here again. EVER!!" I slammed the door to punctuate my statement. 

The walk back to my dorm was blur. I honestly don't remember anything about that walk, except the tears. I remembered those. They were streaming down my otherwise blank face. I'm sure people stopped and stared, but I don't remember.

Sevy was back in the common room and had my chocolates in his hands. He was showing them to a group that included Lucius Malfoy. "I bet they're from that Mudblood, Lily Evans." He was saying. He saw me come in and an instant look of concern came over his face. "Sashy, what happened?"

I felt the POWER surge again. How dare he think those chocolates were from that damn girl!! I looked down at his chocolates and they caught fire. Sevy yelped and threw them down on the floor. "Rot in Hell, Severus!!" I fled to the girls dorm and packed up all my things. Dragging my trunk behind me, I slammed out of the common room. 

"Never coming back here. Never." Never again.


	10. Summer Again. (His proposal. Her Decisions.)

The funeral had been nothing special. No one came, except for Dumbledore, Professor Slughorn (out of duty to a member of his house, no doubt), and Sevy. Directly after they had lowered my father into the ground, I turned back and headed for home. I refused to answer the door for anyone and locked myself in my room. As far as I was concerned, the world was dead. I wasn't going back to Hogwarts and that was that. Over and done with. Right.

Winter turned to spring, spring to summer. I spent my days in my room with my books or out in the garden and the adjoining moors. Dad had loved the moors and I could still feel him there. I roamed them whenever I needed to feel him, which was actually quite a bit. Sevy still came by quite a bit, but I refused to answer the doors or come down from the moors for him. I didn't care anymore. He would never love me and I just didn't care anymore. 

It was a day in late July when I had a very unexpected visitor. He apparated up the road from the house. I was in the garden and felt his mind as soon as he appeared. I was fairly sure I knew what his presence meant. I knew I could hurt him, if I was able to get close enough to touch him, that was. However, I wasn't sure if I wanted to defend myself. Perhaps I should just let him kill me.

He approached the garden, a handsome black-haired man. "I'm looking for Sasha Everett." I don't know what I expected, but his voice was gentle, kind even.

"You found her. What can I do for you, my Lord?" I said, turning towards him. 

He paused, unsure of what to say. "I came to ask your hand in marriage. I would've asked your father had he still been living, but I suppose this will have to be the next best thing."

I exhaled slowly. I was flabbergasted. However, I only thought for maybe a minute. "Sure, why not?" I shrugged, then muttered under my breath. "It's not like HE would care."

"Then you've made me the happiest wizard in existence." He smiled at me. I tried not to grimace. I disliked him vaguely and secretly wondered if I shouldn't just drive him insane or possibly kill him right here and now. Had I done that one simple thing, the wizarding world wouldn't have had to deal with all the terrible things he did and was a part of. 

But I didn't. I briefly touched his mind again. There had been a prophecy. But of what? I thoughtlessly reached for his hand. He allowed me, but tensed up instantly. The things I then saw, oh the things I saw!!

I finally found what I was looking for. I didn't search the events leading up to it, just the memory itself. He had sought out a certain witch with the powers of a seer, the same as I. What she had told him had lead him to search and find me.

"I see a girl. A girl with both the powers of a pensieve and of a seer. The future and the past have no secrets from her. She knows both the thoughts and desires of another by just looking at them or with a mere touch. The power...." The seer was at a loss for words. "The power this young girl wields... I have never seen anything like it. She is the only one of her kind. The daughter of a Muggle and a pure-blood born with no magic in his veins. She will be your doom or your greatest ally. But I see... She will be... Your WIFE."

I released his hand and stepped away quickly. 

"So it is true. You really CAN see everything just by touching someone." He was thoughtful. Noting my reluctance to talk about it, he changed the subject. "It won't do to have you living here alone. I shall find you a new home immediately."

I was shocked. "But... I don't want to move... This is all I have left..." This is all I have left of Dad. 

He waved his hand dismissing me. "We'll keep it for a while, but you'll learn to like what someone of your station should be living in, I'm sure." He stopped and looked at me a bit uncertainly. "But... If you want to keep it.... I suppose we could keep it."

I nodded, slightly. "How soon can we be married?" The less time around Sevy, the better.

"Eager, eh?" He smiled again. I felt even more unsettled. "Not until you're eighteen and have finished at Hogwarts."

"I've finished now. I'm not going back! I'm never going back!" I burst out. "There's... no reason for me to go back. I've learned enough."

He took my hand. I resisted the urge not to yank it back. It was a new feeling, someone that actually wanted to touch me. "There is still far more to learn. If you are to be my wife, you must be the most powerful witch there ever was. Even more so then you already are now."

I looked into his eyes. "Is that really all there is to it, my Lord?"

"Yes, but please, call me Tom."


	11. A New Home (The Proposition of the Malfoy's)

It was about two weeks after Tom had paid me his visit that I received a letter via owl. Not a particularly flashy owl, just your simple every day delivery owl. I was unimpressed, but decided to read the letter attached to its foot at any rate. 

I gave the owl a bit of toast and settled myself back into Dad's old armchair to read. The letter went as follows:

"Dear Ms. Everett,

We have become aware of your need of new living arrangements. We would humbly offer you a place to live with our family. You would be exposed to only witches and wizards of the upmost highest standing. We will expect your answer in three days time. 

Yours cordially, Abraxas Malfoy."

I spit out my drink, the water running down the side of the armchair. Abraxas Malfoy was offering a place to live? ABRAXAS MALFOY?! From all the stories I'd heard, the father was worse then the son. Abraxas was an infamous Muggle and Muggle born hater. 

I groaned inwardly. I could honestly think of nothing worse then living with the Malfoy's. Narcissa would hex me for sure. I slid further down in my chair. Maybe I could just ignore the owl. Maybe I could just hide in my house... But no, if Tom found me once, he would find me again and the next time might not be so pleasant. 

I considered the letter for bit. I knew what Sevy would say. He would be all excited and would encourage me to live with the Malfoy's. I sighed. He would be no help and there was no one else I could discuss the matter with. 

I looked at the owl. "I don't suppose you have any thoughts on this do you?" The owl softly hooted at me and nudged my hand, looking for more toast. I obliged, twirling the letter through the fingers in my other hand. "Witches and wizards of a high standing? More like other pure-blood dickheads." I smirked to myself. "On the other hand, if I don't agree, Tom will probably come here and try to kill me. I could him off for a little bit, but I'm only a teenager. Even my power has it's limits."

I stood up and began to pace. On my fifteenth turn, I sank back down into the armchair and reached for some paper and a pen. 

"Dear Lord Malfoy,

I kindly accept your request with my thanks. Pick a day and I will be ready to move."

Yours kindly, Sasha Eileen Everett"

I tied to the note to the owls leg and looked into its eyes. It hooted interestedly. "What the hell am I getting myself into?" I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been distracted with other projects lately. More to come soon, I promise. :) Love.


	12. New Lodgings and Other Business. (Sometimes Even a Witch Needs To Be Cut A Break.)

I shouldered my pack and stared up at Malfoy Manor. 'Manor' was an understatement. The place was a fucking mansion. It was a tall, imposing building made of brick. While nowhere near as large as Hogwarts itself, it was still a monstrous structure. Definitely a place you could become lost in easily. 

I shuffled my feet a bit. I wasn't ready to live in such grandeur. I was a simple girl and that was just too much. Sevy, of course, had been over thrilled when he heard the Malfoy's had offered to take me in. He wasn't able to help me in moving in, but he said his thoughts were with me. I wish he had come. Having someone familiar next to me would have made everything a hell of a lot easier. 

I felt a tug on my sleeve. I looked down to see a tiny house elf beckoning to me. "This way, Miss. Master Abraxas has asked that you are brought to him first. Follow Nell, please Miss." I allowed myself to led down a long dark hallway towards a large sitting room. As we walked, Nell pointed out various items of interest around the house. Actually, she pointed out various items that I shouldn't touch. "This is the former Madame's favorite vase. It's very old and very valuable. Don't touch it or it will become scratched." and "This is the young Master's favorite painting. Don't touch it." and so forth. 

I somehow managed to make it the sitting room without touching anything and causing general havoc. Nell gave me a light push towards the door. "Don't tarry, Miss. There's nothing to fear." However, by the way she stood wringing her hands, it seemed she thought there was plenty to fear. 

"Come in, girl! Don't keep us waiting!" A voice boomed at that moment. I swallowed hard. Abraxas. I pushed the door open and stepped into an elegantly furnished room. Abraxas sat in a tall armchair with Lucius standing at his right side. Another worried looking house elf stood in the far corner.

"So. Here you are." Abraxas stood up and walked towards me with surprising quickness. He walked around me several times before standing in front of me. "You're not much to look at. The Dark Lord certainly didn't pick you based on looks. Or breeding for that matter." He said as almost an afterthought.

"I don't know what he was thinking." He muttered under his breath as he returned to the armchair. 

"Father." Lucius began with a wicked smile on his face. "Have you ever supposed that maybe she, well, appealed to his... baser nature." He chuckled harshly under his breath.

I clenched my fists. I considered hurling a full body bind curse at Lucius. Let him see how much his 'baser nature' would like if he my wand shoved up his ass. What I didn't expect was Abraxas coming to my defense.

Abraxas slammed his fist down on the arm of his chair. "I will not have you insult the Dark Lord in this house, whether or not you ARE my son! He chose her because she has something special, or in his case, RARE about her. Whatever that may be, we will see in time. Now, to present business. Ms. Everett, what do you think of my house?"

I shuffled my feet. "Um..." I tried to think of something reasonable to say about this monstrosity. "It's... spacious..."

Abraxas chuckled. "That it is, girl. All in all, do you think you could be happy living here until your wedding?"

I shrugged. "I suppose so." A little culture couldn't hurt.

"Then it's settled. The adoption papers will be written up tomorrow."

Lucius and I both sputtered with shock.

"FATHER! You can't be serious! Adopt this... this... WAIF? She has no breeding! She's a virtual Mudblood!" Lucius fairly shouted. 

Abraxas jumped to his feet. "While I'm still alive, you will learn your place, boy! My word is final! As of tomorrow, that 'Mudblood' as you call her, will be your sister and you will treat her as such!" Lucius stammered out an apology and hastily left the room, grumbling silently under his breath.

"Sir, with all due respect, there's no nee-" I began.

"I said my word is final!" Abraxas turned on me with red fury in his eyes. I slid one hand out of my pocket and readied myself. He stopped himself suddenly, as though thinking of the consequences of striking the Dark Lord's fiancee. "You need proper training in order to be his future wife. A lot will be expected of you." He smiled gravely. "As my adopted daughter, you will receive all that and more."

"I just don't think Lucius is very happy about this whole arrangement. He probably thinks I'm trying to take his inheritance away from him." I shoved my hands back into my pockets. "And I don't particularly fancy having Narcissa hex me."

Abraxas stared at me for a moment and then threw back his head and laughed. "You have spirit, girl. Perhaps that is what the Dark Lord saw in you." He grew grave again. "Lucius' inheritance is still firmly his. All this," He waved his hand indicating the house. "Will be his when I'm gone. You will not benefit from my passing in any way."

I nodded silently. I dearly wished to be in my room.

He motioned towards the door. "You may go now. Your bedroom is on the third floor and has its own bathroom attached to it. Dress for dinner and then come back down. The dining room is the second room to the left. If you get lost, Nell or Dobby will show you the way." He motioned towards the house elf in the corner.

"Yes, sir." I gratefully headed towards the door to make my escape.

"And one other thing, this 'Sir' business has to stop. Address me as Father from now on."

I clenched my fists and with a lump in my throat, I fled to my room, Dobby in tow.


	13. Another Brief Interlude. (While Nothing Was Going On.)

In the months that followed, I was forced to attend all sort of etiquette training and other bullshit in between my classes. Nothing extraordinary happened, but I was already tired of being treated as some sort of posh little lady. The changing of my last name came and went. I was, however, quite pleased when old Abraxas suggested they simply hyphenate both names. So Sasha Eileen Everett-Malfoy I became.

I had honestly expected some opposition from Narcissa, but she, oddly enough, embraced me as a future sister-in-law. "I do hope we become friends." She gushed to me one day.

"Yes." I muttered through gritted teeth. Hard as I tried, though, I couldn't dislike her. She wasn't a fake person and held herself as a true daughter of a pure-blood family. I admired her in a way, but had a blatant dislike for her sister, Bellatrix. She was always looking down her perfect nose at me and sniffing. I had heard rumors that she was obsessed with Tom, but I had never taken them to heart. I began to see that she saw me as rival. That thought frequently made me laugh.

Sevy himself was pleased as punch that I moved into the Malfoy manor as I thought he would be. He considered it a great honor that Tom had chosen me as his bride. He had his worries, though he never mentioned them. I quietly assured him that Tom would definitely allow us to remain friends.

A couple of years went by. Sevy and Lily's friendship came to an end after he called her a Mudblood. Outwardly, I was the kind, supportive friend, but inside, I felt a smug and petty joy. He no longer followed her with his eyes and (finally) all of his attention was on me. Well, me and a group called "The Death Eaters." 

The Death Eaters were a group that fully supported Tom and all his doings. Personally, I thought they were a group of fools, but what did I know? Sevy was content with the group, so I tried to become content myself. 

It was around the time that Lily and Sevy's friendship collapsed that I noticed that Sirius Black was beginning to take a lot of interest in me. Not to say that he wasn't handsome, he was, extraordinarily so (some girl's would giggle anyway), but I was only partial to one greasy black haired boy. Sirius followed me everywhere I went like a dog and walked to and from classes. I had never thought about having a boyfriend up until this point, what with my one-sided affections for Sevy and my impending nuptials to Tom, but I became curious.

My curiosity however started to cause problems for Sevy as well as Lucius. And both were very vocal about their opinions on the subject.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. I will try to be more frequent. *Bows low.*


	14. An Invitation To Date. Part One. (Or How Sasha Discovered What Lust Is.)

As I said before, I never had any interest in dating. However, with Sirius Black following me everywhere, it had been on my mind a lot lately. Surely, there was no harm in it. Sevy was forever out of my reach and I hadn't heard anything from Tom in almost two years. To be honest, I was a bit lonely. All the other girls in our year had or had had boyfriends.

It was Valentine's Day again. I was wandering through the halls, thinking about escaping down to the lake for a bit of peace and quiet. It was bitterly cold outside, but I had just learned a neat little spell that enveloped a person in a bubble of magical warm air and I was itching to try it out. There also seemed to be a great many little cupid figures lurking about today and I didn't feel like dealing with any of them. Oh, I had had encounters with them in the past, at least two a year since my first year, but this year they just seemed to be appearing out of thin air by the dozens. After one particularly annoying encounter, I had promptly thrown the cupid out of the classroom door, earning a disapproving look from Professor McGonagall. I shrugged and wandered back to my seat next to a staring Ravenclaw.

As I headed down to the lake, I heard my name being called. "Sasha!" I turned to see Peter Pettigrew puffing up the path behind me. I stopped and waited for him to catch his breath. 

"All right, Peter?" I smiled down out him. I liked Peter. He wasn't arrogant like the rest of his group and had a pleasant personality.

Peter finally caught his breath and looked up at me. "I heard about you throwing that cupid out of McGonagall's class."

I shook my head, feeling annoyed. "Damn bastards have been following me around all day. Either I have many annoying admirers or one completely deranged one."

Peter gulped. "That's why I'm here, actually..." He trailed off into silence.

I rubbed my face. "Please tell me you're not the one sending them... Look, I like you, Peter, but I don't think we are compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, I know we're not." I hated being harsh to him, but I just couldn't bear the thought of having the boy following me around like a dog when I already had Sirius doing that.

Peter looked like I had just struck him and then started to laugh. I stared at him. Clearly, he had gone insane and I would have to hex him out of his misery. I reached for the wand that was jammed into the back pocket of my jeans under my robe.

Peter tried to control his laughter. "They weren't from me, but..." He burst into a new fit of laughter again. I cocked my head and waited until he calmed down. "They're from Sirius. Well, mostly from Sirius. He only sent about ten of them. The others, who knows?" 

"And why would Sirius Black send me cupids? Has he lost his mind completely now? He does know who my best friend is, right?" I was completely baffled. I had learned how to tune out people's thoughts by cluttering my own mind with thoughts, so I hadn't been listening to his mind when he had been following me.

"He wants me to ask you if you'll be his girlfriend." Peter said mischievously. "He also said to tell you that you're the most beautiful witch in the whole of Hogwarts and that your eyes are like sapphires."

I gagged. "Yup, he's lost his mind."

"So your answer is 'no,' then?" Peter shifted nervously in the snow. "I wouldn't bother you for it, but he's standing over and waiting for an answer." 

I had done so many things out of loneliness by this point (accepting Tom's proposal, moving into the Malfoy manor) that the answer was obvious to me. "Tell him yes, but there's a catch."

Peter looked more nervous now. "What?"

"Tell him he has to ask me out himself. In front of Severus."


	15. An Invitation to Date. Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long posting another update. *Bows low.*

"Absolutely not!!" Sevy roared. I winced and leaned back against the door to the Slytherin common room. I had anticipated that Sevy would put up some sort of fuss, but I hadn't expected him to be so... adamant. 

Sirius hadn't either, apparently. "But..." He stammered. "If she wants to..." He trailed off as Sevy grabbed him by the front of his robes. 

"If you actually thought I would let her date you or Potter, you are insane." Sevy released his robes, sending Sirius sprawling on the ground. I felt the triumph in his emotions, the contempt. "She's not dating you and that's final!!"

"Who's not dating him?" I asked quietly. 

Sevy whirled around, his dark eyes flashing. "You!! You're not dating..." He stopped and gulped. I had put a hand on his face. 

"And who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do? Are you my brother? Are you my FATHER?" I stroked a finger down his cheek. "You have no right to tell me who I can or cannot snog." I lowered my voice. "I'm not Lily. I won't leave you."

That did it. Sevy shrugged his shoulders, defeated. "I hope you know what you're doing."

It was my turn to shrug. "I don't see why I should have to sit around bored, while everyone else gets to have someone to talk to and spend time with." Sevy started to speak, but I didn't give him the chance. "I know I can talk to and spend time with you, but I can't hold your hand or kiss you." Sevy started badly. I pulled my hand back into the sleeve of my robe. "Just let me have this once. Please."

Sevy sighed. "Fine, but I'm not responsible if HE or your family finds out." With the words hanging in the air, Sevy opened the door to the common room and disappeared behind it.

I sighed and walked towards Sirius, offering him my hand. "Sevy just doesn't like you because you guys treat him like shit." 

"And you're ok with being my girl?" He asked, taking my hand and getting to his feet.

I shrugged again. "I don't have anything else going on." Sirius hadn't let go of my hand. "Soooo... what do we do now?"

Sirius thought for a moment. "Do you want to go for a walk by the lake?"

At the time I thought that dating was just another adventure. As it turned out, I was about to get a lesson into the minds of men which I would remember for the rest of my life.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates might take a while, but please bear with me and leave me comments or kudos. :)


End file.
